Dull day today. I worked on the OC page of my art site a lot which kept me occupied but since the day is kinda winding down now I'm sorta at a loss for what to do. Usually for a day like this I wouldn't write anything but one thing has been in the back of my mind lately and I haven't seriously thought about it much until today.
So, my dad is thinking of moving us to a different state, one that's much cheaper to live in (California is not kind in that regard). After fixing up our current house a little and selling it we could comfortably afford to live in like, Oklahoma or Tennessee, some place like that. Initially I was like, that sounds like a great idea, and I was kinda imagining it to be this change of scenery that I really need.
Cause honestly, I can't see a future for me here. I don't know anyone outside my family, I can't drive and there's no public transport in my town. Getting a job is so impossibly hard here, it really makes me feel like I'm just stuck in everybody's way. I was thinking that maybe by moving all that can change and I can finally start to live how I'm supposed to, you know?
But then, today, I thought about the other side of the argument. All my family is here! My grandma and my brother, all my aunts and uncles and cousins. I couldn't just LEAVE them. And I've lived in this house all my life, my cousin and I painted our names on the backyard fence over a decade ago, my foot prints from when I was a toddler are immortilized in the concrete on the patio that my dad built. This house sucks don't get me wrong, but something about leaving this all behind for the small chance I may have a better life a thousand miles away makes me feel really sad.
I wonder if this is how those tween girls feel in horse movies where they have to move to their aunt's farm or whatever the hell. I've never actually seen a horse movie but I assume they're like that.
Also I learned how to make paper hats.